I appreciate that, but you know what’s more adorable than you right now? Sleep.
No, you cannot get under the covers. I’m all naked.
You just put your nose in my eye.
Chicken. I’d let you pick me up and twirl me around uncontrollably.
Stop trying to cuddle with the celery.
Seriously, I can rub your belly or I can finally clean out your litter box; it’s up to you.
Yay, you don’t have fleas! You just scratch yourself for fun!
Look, if you sniff that chair’s leg any longer you’re gonna have to get married, all right?
I miss you. Why don’t you come talk to me anymore?
You know, if you had eight legs, I could call you ‘Octopus.’
Hey, where’s your brother? … Oh, he’s in the closet. You know, I’ve spent a lot of time there.
Look, I fully respect your right to be comfortable, but please get your asshole out of my face.
Come on, do it with me — whip your whiskers back and forth.
Did you shit on the floor? Oh my god, you shat on the floor.
Meow, my ass!